Transformation Is Beautiful
There is not many people I can cry to. Nobody seems to really understand. My heart is torn between two separate lives trying to mold into one. You see here's the thing, I grew up in an amazing place. Was fortunate to receive a good education and play all kinds of sports as a child.
My friends, they are unreal, without them I don't think I would be who I am today. I have the best memories, always having fun. And my family, that's an interesting story, I think that is how families are though. I love them to pieces and wouldn't change a thing that I have.
Life has been beautiful. I have experienced magnificent wonders at a young age of 22. I realize how my wants have changed as I have gotten older. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for the life I have had but it has been a bit controlled, encouraged to conform to society. Limiting my true freedom.
Before I graduated high school my mind started to imagine a new life. And at this time it was a turning point in technology where social media started to have a heavy influence on our generation. So I was able to search and see everything about this life I was dreaming of.
My love for warm, sunny beach days grew immensely and my curiosity about island life did as well. I created a tumblr with all the things I loved. Everyday I would scroll and wish for a life like the images on my blog. I began my journey of manifestation unconsciously. I couldn't stop thinking about doing what I wanted. Why should I?
Life is an open road and each person born is lucky enough to pick their path and follow the good in their soul. With time, life did its thing and I ended up moving to Hawaii when I was 18. A dream come true! My heart was full and my being eager to wander. I will write another time about my journeys in Hawaii, they hold a very special chapter in the story of my life.
Living on an island taught me many things I never knew and provided me with a great amount of confidence and support, this is how I imagined being free. The adventures awaited and I was ready to go. One thing led to another leaving me as a college drop out with plans to travel the world.
This is when my life started to split. I had those who supported me and those who questioned me. But I didn't care. I was comfortable in my skin but more importantly, in my mind. My truest desires. I knew I now had the opportunity to be who I wanted to be and boy did it feel good.
I was able to say I was following my dreams. My lust for traveling grew and my want for an easy, simple island life did as well. This would become an issue, a choice that would leave happy and sad emotions on either side. But that is life, and I chose happiness always. Being happy can be easy and hard, it is never a constant. Life will always have its struggles, but that's the fun.
So yes, sometimes it's hard for me, I think too much and worry. Then, for some incredible reason there is always a positive little reminder when I need it the most about moving in the right direction. I'm learning to be patient about the future. To trust myself, strive for honesty, wholeness, the best, unique me.
This is where I'm at so far. Leading a life different from my background, and that's okay. I haven't lost who I was or where I came from, I'm only adding to the story, creating something new, exciting, and all about love. I hope one day the mold of two to one will be complete.
For now, and ever, I continue to enjoy what is.